fearistheweapon

A blog of projects, art, and baked things as rambled by an animating, guitar-noodling metal wife.

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Damage

image

This is not my usual post. But it’s something I had to share. As you read this, imagine how your reaction would differ if this story were being told by a woman, talking about how her husband treated her.

I have been separated from my wife for over a year, though we continue to share a house. We live on separate floors. We share the house because we need to parent our son together, and because we can’t afford to maintain two households.

I’d like to tell you a story, illustrating one reason why I am divorcing her. This is an example of the treatment I have received over the past fourteen years.

This evening, while she was drinking her wine, my estranged wife took exception to the fact that I wanted to talk about how tense she’s been. She said she didn’t want to talk about it.

I left the room (so as to comply with her request).

I went upstairs to use our tiny guest bathroom. She began to yell and throw things around the kitchen, then eventually charged up the stairs and into the bathroom, just as I was finishing and getting ready to leave. She confronted me there, holding her half-full wine glass in her hand. Her voice got louder, her gestures wilder.

She complained that I had upset her by wanting to talk when she had told me she didn’t want to talk. As I began to feel uncomfortable, I said, “You’re saying it’s my fault you can’t express your emotions responsibly like an adult?”

She said, “Yes!! It’s because you want to go off and take a vacation with your girlfriend!” Then she threw the contents of her glass in my face and smashed it against my bare chest.

The results are pictured here.

I stood there, with shattered glass at my feet, glass shards sticking in my skin, bleeding, for five minutes or so. I asked her to move so that I could leave. She waved the broken stem of the glass in the air and said, “Leave!! Who’s stopping you?”

I told her she was standing between me and the door. I felt threatened.

She laughed and said, “You’re 6 foot 3 and 250 pounds! You can’t feel threatened by me!”

I said, “You just broke a glass on my chest and cut me. You’re standing there with the stem in your hands. Yes. I feel threatened.

She said, “No, you don’t.”

I asked her to move out of the way and let me pass. I didn’t want her to think I was pushing her or threatening her.

She held her ground, waved the broken stem and shouted, “Go on! Leave! I’m not stopping you!”

After I asked her repeatedly, she finally moved a bit and I left, carefully stepping over the broken glass.

I have posted this here as evidence, and to help those who may think that size and gender make a difference when abuse is concerned. People who, like my estranged, think some have permission to feel threatened and some don’t.

Abusers come in all sizes and genders.

She and I went to a half dozen therapists over the years. At each initial session, every therapist took a look at me, then at her (5’4” 150 lbs.). Then he or she would gravely ask my wife, “Do you feel safe?”

None ever thought to ask me.

Thanks for listening.

Because this needs to be shared. Because abuse is wrong no matter what. Because this saddens my heart.

:(

honestly, fuck tumblr. if this was a woman this would be the only thing on my dash.

with that being said, fuck people who think that women are the only ones that can be abused in a relationship. and fuck crazy women, as well.

eeeeeeeeeee D:

Why does this have so few notes? If the man in this picture were actually a woman, this would have so many notes it’d be ridiculous. Everyone needs to see this. Everyone needs to see that abusers can be any shape or size, as if you need to see it to believe it.

And major kudos to this man for not using his size and weight when he very well could have. Kudos to you for being a decent human being, sir.

sickens me how few notes this has. Woman aren’t always these fragile lil creatures and if this post was by a woman, tumblr would be all over it.

This is bullshit. All these women complain about wanting equality, but most of them are sexist themselves. And then when things happen to men, “oh, it’s different because it’s a guy” no. Fuck that. No one deserves to be treated this way.

Absolutely no one deserves to be treated this way. Abuse doesn’t know gender, orientation, body type, age, etc. It can happen to anyone, by anyone. It shouldn’t ever happen, but it does, and we need to listen to everyone equally when they reach out for help.

(via sameatschildren)

Summer: 3 glorious months I spend gorging myself on strawberries like a pig rooting for truffles. #selfie #brutalsquid
Zzzz after her very first comiccon, #specialeditionnyc. She looked at everything, made eyes at everyone, saw her friends, and smiled all the smiles while wearing her favorite hat. We all had a really good day.
#senyc #comiccon #nyc #batman
Congratulations @americanjesus ! You won the set of ghostbuster prints!

apolysis:

APP 2014 collection Large Megalodon Teeth ear weights by Diablo Organics

Modeled by

Midgesterious

Morgan Taylor

Apolysis

Photos by

Scott Harris

These saddle style weights are gorgeous. File under - ‘things I’ll probably never get to have’

(via dispetrichordia)

I’m giving away one set of my ghostbusters giclee art prints in honor of the 30th anniversary tomorrow! All you have to do:

Follow @brutalsquid on Instagram
Like and share this photo on Instagram
Tag @brutalsquid and hashtag #gb30 and #ghostbusters

That’s it!

Entries accepted until 11:59pm 6/11/14. Winner chosen at random 6/12/14. The more times you enter, the more chance you have to win!
YOU GUYS HOLY CRAP IT’S HERE. I want to put it together now, but I’m saving it to put together tomorrow on the actual 30th anniversary of the movie during the viewing party. #GB30 #ghostbusters #lego #ecto1 #petervenkman #egonspengler #raystantz #winstonzeddemore  #letsshowthisprehistoricbitchhowwedothingsdowntown
Ok kid. I get it. You don’t want to put a shirt on.
Tuckered out after the American Museum of Natural History ♥
It’s a lot harder to take Bel’s monthly picture now that she loves toys and can roll over. #allthecephalopodsarebelongtoAnnabel